The Greatest Love of All

After years of having her songs bastardized by over-confident, small-lunged pubescent contestants on American Idol, Whitney Houston is fighting back with a new reality series.

You're Getting Schooled by Whitney, Bitches! is the new VH1 series in which Whitney surprises aspiring songstresses and schools them on how it's really done.

Lessons from Whitney include:

*"You Ain't Got the Pipes, So Give It Up!";
*"Hey, if You DO Got a Pipe, Let Me See It!";
*"Mmmm, I Love the Pipe!"; and
*"Girl, I Survived Bobby Brown. Get the Fuck Out of My Face!"

Um, actually none of this is true.

But I wish it was.

Because You're Getting Schooled by Whitney, Bitches! is totally the greatest name for a TV show I've ever made up. And, those girls on American Idol need some Whitney schooling.