Writing This Post Made Me Hungry

Happy New Year, folks.

Chances are you are still nursing a distended gut and swollen cranium thanks to an evening spent with friends, brisket and $8 bottles of prosecco. Nope? Just me?

Anyhoo, to nurse my self-loathing I decided to watch really fat people grunt and cry.

That's right-- last night was the premier of Biggest Loser: Couples, which will hereby be known as Biggest Losers. Teams include an 800-pound pair of former footballers, 23-year old girls who can't outrun an obese 60-year old man, and a divorced couple.

Now, I couldn't imagine the vulnerability you'd feel being dropped off at fat camp (only Girl Guide camp, which is sort of the same except everyone is wearing blue). And I cannot possibly comprehend how horrific it would feel being dropped off at fat camp with your ex and having it all televised.

I would totally have to scarf a burger just to push the pain deeper.

The premiere was promising. Lots of sagging man boobs, sobbing women, and animalistic groans and wails during Last Chance Workouts. Kim, trainer for the red team last season is gone, but ball-buster Gillian and smiling Buddha Bob were onhand to dole out high impact expectations. There was even a chronic puker with an undiagnosed ailment (hey, he lost 17 pounds without even working out!).

As I watch every week, I will keep you posted on my own loser status. For instance, today I have lost zero pounds. However, since I will no longer be subsisting on a diet of shortbread cookies and Bailey's I have high expectations for the coming week.