Gene Simmons: Master Mind of Street Meat Marketing

How awesome was the premier of The Apprentice: Celebrity last night?

On the men's team Gene Simmons rocked it out with his understated and slow-speaking genuis, Stephen Baldwin proved himself the most enthusiastic Baldwin, and that British guy that tries to be like that other British guy by judging a talent show similiar to that other talent show is a perfect villain.

On the women's team, the size of one's rack appeared to determine eligibility. I can't really tell you what most of them did before this show, although I did recognize Marilu Henner, Omarosa (a former Apprentice contestant and crazy woman) and Carol Alt, all of whom proved to be fiercely competitive.

Sort of. The women got spanked in the first competition, which was to raise as much money for charity as possible by selling hot dogs.

As a former hot dog vendor (Wilson's Weiners, circa 1998) I was shocked that Omarosa believed quality product would be more marketable than the vendors' celebrity status. Um, when a guy buys a hot dog he is fully committing to eating lips and assholes. Is there really such a thing as a discerning tube steak consumer?

In the end the passive Playboy centrefold was devoured. Looking forward to the carnage next week.