The Hypochondriac's Guide to Future Ailments: Alice In Wonderland Syndrome

In my second installment of Diseases it is Possible I Might One Day Suffer From (if I Don't Already) I present to you, Alice In Wonderland Syndrome.

It's likely I have always suffered a mild form of this syndrome, which affects one's visual perception by making things appear smaller or larger than they really are.

For most of my adult life the following have appeared disproportionately tiny to me: bottles of red wine, plates of rogan josh, my boobs; while other things (read: my ass) have seemed unfairly big. Perhaps my it's not my butt that's big but my awesomely named syndrome that's making me think it's big.

I also tend to see concrete barriers and guardrails as smaller than they are (hence the current bruise on my knee and the wicked black and blue I got during a famous shopping trip to Buffalo four years ago).

See, it's not that I'm clumsy. I'm afflicted.