From Recaps to Paps: The Tyra Journey

Since ANTM popped the recap on our asses last week, I set my PVR to record The Tyra Banks Show on Monday, which was her much anticipated "Vagina Dialogues."

I expected an hour of me gasping and giggling at how ridicchio our girl Tyra is, but there were a number of moments when I sat up (on my new low-GI diet sitting up is actually a much bigger deal than it sounds) and yelled, Noooooo!

Progressive wisdom on the ve-jay-jay included:

Don't take time off between birth control pill cycles so you can skip your period and still have that hot date with your boyfriend; and

Your vagina (according to Tyra's mom) is a "self-cleaning oven" (uh, Tyra's mom better get her hot box to the gyno stat).

Tyra was grateful one of the lady-gynos brought a plush stuffed vagina (which looked like a velvet eggplant panini) because it didn't look "icky." Because nothing encourages young women to inspect their genitals like having a supermodel wrinkle her nose at the thought of how disgusting they are.

In fact, Tyra kept making her ferengi face throughout the show, especially when she sat beside a 28-year old virgin getting her first pap (and that would be first pap ever, not simply first pap on national television).

By the end of the "What's Up Down There" episode, I had learned that Tyra lost her sex drive on birth control pills and that she suffers bad menstrual cramps.

Oh, and that Tyra and R. Kelly were probaby in the same sex-ed class.