Last night the hubby and I attended a prenatal class at our midwives' clinic.
Now, the night before I had attended prenatal yoga and then we'd gone to a hypnobirthing class, so needless to say, we were already feeling some birthing burnout.
We were one of ten couples at the class last night. The instructor, a doula, announced she was going to show us a video of couples birthing in the Black Sea, just so we could see that birth does not have to take place in a sterile hospital environment.
Then the video started. Keep in mind my husband and I were sitting right beside the TV, in front of everyone.
So, first there's some soothing '70s flute tunes accompanying grainy colour footage of naked Russian couples hanging off each other while the mother labours. The couples are surrounded by other naked men and women who seem intent on rubbing the labouring mom.
More flute tunes worthy of a 1976 margarine commercial. A pale newborn and its umbilical cord float in the water. Then a slo-mo shot of a seagull soaring past the clouds.
This is when I started to giggle. I actively avoided looking at my husband while I tried to catch my breath.
Cut to a shot of a naked boy playing flute on a rock. I saw my husband's foot shaking up and down. I bit my lip and used my hand to hide my face from the other, very serious, couples around us.
At this point, tears were streaming down my face, my whole body was shaking with laughter. I could hear my husband making little squeaks as he gasped for breath.
More babies float in the water and then: the dolphins arrive.
I actually blurted "Dolphin!" and my husband and I made eye contact and all was lost. We both collapsed in hysterics, our faces bright red and soaked in tears.
When the movie ended a few minutes later, the class was silent. My husband and I hung our heads and stared at our toes. I used the cuff of my sweat shirt to wipe my running nose.
When I finally faced the room, I realized not a single person was at all amused. But we had just witnessed naked Russians and dolphins and flute-playing toddlers!
It wasn't like we'd laughed because birth is silly or naked women freak us out. We're not a pair of 12-year-old boys (which I was quickly starting to feel like). It was an awesomely bad video. And one that is apparently available on You Tube and hugely popular with birthing classes.
Maybe that's the real purpose of the film. When I'm in labour I can keep in mind: thank god some dolphin isn't lurking around me.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Birthing Video Outburst Confirms: My Husband and I Will Never Fit Into Prenatal Classes
Posted by Amber at 8/14/2008
Labels: Trying Not to Kill the Kid
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