Cause: I Don't Believe in Fashion

Yay! A new season of crazy thin girls running rampant through a city (in this case, New York).

Right away Marvita is all about asserting herself ("I'm back" she proclaims, making me wince for fear that she will the first eliminated) while Kim whines, "I'm not a dumb blond." And yet her up-speak suggests otherwise...

As the girls gather in a coffee shop, a hot courier boy drops off their Tyra Mail which is directions to their new loft in South Soho.

When the girls arrive at their new digs they discover the house 'theme' is What's Your Cause? As usual, bedding was not a cause that anyone in production bothered taking on, since there are only a limited number of single bunk beds and the rest of the girls are forced to share a giant bed.

Fatima starts to emerge as the resident bitch, telling the newly-named Amis (formally Amy) that she talks too much. But she tells her in a snooty passive-aggressive Omarosa sort of way by noting that not Fatima, but other people might assume that Amis is an idiot. Hm. Charming.

The Js arrive and take the girls on a bus tour of NYC, dropping them off in Times Square to do a Badgley Mischka runway show. While slightly amused tourists bundled in winter coats look on, the girls stumble down the runway in various sheer spring numbers. The highlight is Kim's admission in interview that her outfit cost a couple thousand dollars, which seems ridiculous to her since she doesn't "believe" in spending that much on clothes. Uh oh. Looks like someone picked the wrong cause.

After the show, the girls return home where a new high-tech mail delivery system has been installed. Yes, Tyra Mail is now delivered via the indoor electronic sign. So New York.

The scrolling electronic message tells the girls to head off to Elite Model Management where manager Neal Hamil and supermodel Paulina Porizkova are waiting. Paulina warns the girls that the industry will often tell them "hurtful" things, so she might as well get the hurting started.

Paulina points out zits, square jaws and smushy faces but the biggest insult is reserved for Dominique who she describes as a "transvestite Robin Wright Penn." Ouch.

After crushing the girls, Paulina cheerily wishes them a good time at their first photo shoot.

Outside, the Fab Cab (a stretched yellow cab limo hybrid) drives the girls off to the shoot. Fatima starts repeating all the criticisms Paulina expressed and Marvita exclaims, "I've never met a mean African until you." And as Marvita shakes her head, I really believe her.

At the set, Mr. Jay lets the girls know the shoot is to benefit the Reciprocity Foundation for Homeless Youth. That's right--the girls will pose with homeless women. So New York.

So the girls get wardrobed in outifts that look like Oliver! meets Galliano. Fatima becomes overwhelmed with emotion as she recalls the taunts of her classmates who used to accuse her of living in a shelter. Marvita uses her recent experiences as a homeless person to inform her poses. And Amis, well, she just jumps around and giggles helplessly.

Before the judging panel starts, we see Tyra's politically riveting homeless photo: she is looking up at the camera, a "Will Pose for Change" sign beside her. Tyra admits the photo shoot was personally important to her. Not because she knows or cares for homeless people (she refers to them as the people she used to "ignore") but because on the Tyra Show she once pretended to be homeless for a day. How do you do it, Ty-Ty?

The panel includes Tyra, Nigel the ever-glowing, Miss J wearing a Janet Jacket-esque military jacket with each of the girls name applied with velcro (for easy removing) and--surprise!-- Paulina Porizkova as the new Twiggy. Or, the anti-Twiggy, as she enters by pushing her way past the girls and twirling self-importantly in a purple gown I believe was once worn by Linda Evans on Dynasty.

Paulina is quick with her opinions. She disagrees with Nigel (calling him the "old judge") and praises Anya's photo for looking "homeless Russian."

Miss J has an obsy-doodle boy-boy crush on Dominique, gushing, "You are so drag-licious."

Allison is told her pilates training seems to be working against her. When the judges are alone, Tyra calls Allison a "wannabe Gossip Girl" but I actually think she's closer to the elitist girls of the 80s (Heathers anyone?)

Claire our breast-pumping mommy has the best photos overall but admittedly a lot of the girls look really good. Mind you, the girls always tend to look best in shoots where they are supposed to look like shit (cycle 9 cancer anyone?).

When Kim stands in front of Tyra for her photo critique, before the photo is even revealed, Kim admits that "the whole fashion thing doesn't interest me at all."

Pause. Clank! as Tyra's jaw hits floor. As Tyra's brain synapses to near-epileptic levels, she tries to make Kim feel guilty for taking a spot in the final 14 when other girls were sent home. Kim remains unfazed. Finally Tyra snaps, "Fine. Do you just want to go home?" And Kim smiles politely and nodding with an obvious measure of relief, says, "Yeah" and leaves the set.

In her interview at the Loft of Causes, Kim says modelling was fun, but the high price of clothing didn't sit right with her and her heart wasn't in it. And I have to say, right on, Kim. Instead of taking on female circumsision or child rape, you heralded a cause that actually should be addressed by those in the fashion industry.

See ya.

Meanwhile, Miss J tears up Kim's photo and rips her name off his chest like a misplaced panty-liner.

Tyra announces that a girl will still be voted home and it comes down to Atalya, a non-descript pretty black girl from Florida and Amis, whose goofy honesty is both kinda annoying and kinda endearing. Either way, she kinda stays and Atalya is booted.

Next Week: Makeovers and Confrontations!