If Your Friends Jumped Off a Bridge...Oh, Never Mind

What do you do when you're a bored high school student in Gloucester, Mass.?

You sign a pregnancy pact with your BFFs!

In a high school of 1,200 students, 17 girls under the age of 16 are entering summer va-kay with some serious muffin top action.

Residents blame the bad local economy, Time Magazine blames the school for "accommodating" pregnancies by offering onsite daycare. Meanwhile, the school's nurse and doctor resigned in protest in May after being denied the authority to provide birth control to students.

Expectant freshman students are apparently looking forward to the "unconditional love" their babies will provide. Very little is noted about the fathers, other than the school's principal discovering one of them is a "24-year-old homeless guy."

I feel sorry for these girls, mostly because they have totally bypassed the greatest phase of sexual development: dry humping.

This is the profoundly pleasurable stage of adolescence where down-the-pants action is still somewhat forbidden and all desire locates itself in the harsh rubbing of teenaged crotches. This jean-on-jean foreplay can last for hours, providing endless erotic ecstasy.

That is, until you actually have sex.

After that, dry humping never really regains its magic because instead of being an end in itself, it's relegated to the status of foreplay (not the forte of any teenaged boy, or homeless dude for that matter).

So, realities of mothering aside, young ladies, before you go signing a pregnancy pact, consider this: Are you really prepared to foresake dry humping for wet diapers?