If you haven't caught an episode of this season's America's Next Top Model, it will take watching five minutes of last night's airing for all to be revealed.
Here's how is breaks down: Dominique is crazy. Fatima is crazy. Lauren is crazy. Claire might be crazy, but we're not sure. Stacy Ann is crazy. Anya is albino crazy. Whitney is the token plus-sized model and always told she has a pretty face. Kataryzna is Eastern European and constantly mocked for this by the judge's panel (who apparently believe all Eastern European girls look like sluts).
Oh, and Tyra is crazy and everyone hates everyone.
Caught up?
So, the eight remaining girls are divided into two teams and sent off on Go-Sees with the assistance of a Sprint GPS system. Since Manhattan was built on a grid, and all go-see locations are within walking distance, the product placement is totally redundant. It actually confuses the girls who hold the Sprint phones out in front of them like divining rods instead of, you know, reading street signs.
Team One is Lauren, Anya, Fatima and Kataryzna. Team Two is Claire, Whitney, Dominique and Stacy Ann. Whitney is told that her size 10 body would be unacceptable for Pamella Roland's runway and I immediately decide I hate the line. However, when Team One arrives, Fatima is told her size 0 frame is also unacceptable for the runway. As long as body discrimination goes both ways, I'm cool.
In the end, Team Two wins, and Stacy Ann books the most shows. Seventeen editor Ann Shoket tells the winners they are going to be shot for a summer beauty spread for the magazine. They get to wear brightly coloured bandannas and make cheesy smiles and it's all very Seventeen.
The photo shoot challenge for the week takes the girls to a theatre where Mr. Jay is suspended on a treadmill, running Terminator-style in a very awesome light-coloured suit. Creepy futuristic music is playing as he pumps his arms up and down and the girls watch on in what may be slightly fearful awe.
Anya gushes in her Zoolander accent, "He looks like a silver robot."
Mr. Jay bursts through a wall of cardboard boxes and the girls squeal. Turns out they are on the set of the new art performance production Fuerz Buerta.
The girls are told they must lay in a shallow pool of water on a sheet of Mylar suspended in the air. Photographer Mike Rosenthal will shoot them from underneath. Cool?
After being told she doesn't need to slide into the water face first like a city kid attacking her neighbor's Wet 'N Slide, Claire does exactly that and almost gives herself a concussion.
While she recovers, Dominique slips and slides like a trannie sperm. Stacy Ann isn't quite as comfortable, looking more like a tadpole. Most of the girls seem to find semi-drowning to be, well, semi-horrible. Another Tyra torture shoot success!
At panel, Katarayzna debuts her new short cut. It turns out Tyra still can't pronounce her name, so Miss J assists by renaming her "Neutrogena." Pauline 'praises' the new do by noting Kataryzna's "weird Eastern European tackiness is now gone." Ouch.
On the topic of hair, Nigel calls Dominique a "mess" and says her hair looks like "There's Something About Mary." Yeah. Apparently the new insult is "You look like you styled your hair with cum."
For a second week, I am shocked by the bottom two. This time it's Claire and Lauren. Claire (yes, Claire!) is sent home and she appears as baffled as I am. Packing up her bags in the loft, she admits that she feels huge guilt for leaving her baby and husband for a failed endeavour. What is totally mind boggling is that between the two mommies, Dominique is the one who remains.
Next Week: Legal troubles for Fatima and Lauren circumcises her finger.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
How Can Size 10 Make You a Plus-Sized Model if Plus-Sized Clothing Starts at Size 16?
Posted by Amber at 4/03/2008
Labels: Television, Tyra
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